Just don't let me cry alone :')
Sunday, June 3, 2012 | 6:00 PM | 0 comments
Assalamualaikum sweethearts 

Meet -> Friends -> Love -> Relationship -> Change -> Break -> ?

Regret. That one word describe my whole life. It's a shameful. There is no love story. There is no friends forever. I'm depressed. 

Low self-esteem? Yeah I admit. Seriously depressed by it. Being underestimate. Being condemned. I'm not skinny like other girls. I'm not smart as Albert Einstein. I don't have beautiful figure body. I don't have flawless skin. 

I tried and I tried to accept myself but I just can't. Its just freaking hard. Everyday I keep telling myself "I am what I am. I'm perfect for what Allah had gave me" Sometimes that psychological method works but only temporary. 

Day by day, this feeling is worsen by some people whom perfectly figured idol. What hurts most is they are one of the closest friend that I thought they would stay through thick and thin no matter what. 

It was a beautiful feeling at first. Everything seems so colorful with them. Eventually the rainbow had turn to never ending rain. Engulf my spirit year by year, month by month, week by week, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second, moment by moment.  

Nevertheless, I never seem to get tired of it. There something little inside keep telling me "Everything is going to be okay, you just need to be patient. Allah always with His humble and patient servants"
It is so weird. This little thing inside gave me spirit to strive each day of mental torture. I'm not crazy if that's what you pointing for. 

These freaking 16 years, I'm wasting my life little by little. Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Formspring and etc. They introduce me various kinds of people but they also separate and create a gap between closed ones. I didn't blame the social network. I didn't blame the Internet for providing such network. There are good use if you know how to twist the disadvantages to benefits. I just blame myself for not good nor creative enough to manage it well. Such waste. 

Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Older Post | Newer Post